The gift that keeps on giving

I couldn't even begin to count all the hilarious situations resulting from the fact that I do not speak Japanese. It makes even the most simple tasks and social situations surprisingly difficult and awkward. Riding the bus, saying goodbye after work, thanking somebody in the proper manner--these are not easy.

Take gift-giving, for example. It is customary when you return from a trip to give little gifts, or o-miyage, to everyone at your work place. In my case, since I was coming from somewhere else to start, it also would have been a good idea. Now, gift-giving is not really my forte, so I didn't actually have my whole arsenal of gifts ready until basically last week. I reviewed the procedure and terms used to present the gift, spent hours laboring over small notes written in Japanese characters, and finally gathered the courage to present gift #1 to the vice principal. I walked up to him, said "Sumimasen" (excuse me) and feebly offered him his present, a large National Geographic photo book. He was so confused there just aren't words. It was great. Since I don't know Japanese, I couldn't really explain what it was or why I was giving him a gift in early September. Luckily, he's quite friendly and gave me many smiles and thank-yous. Mission accomplished.

I next gave a bottle of whisky and a small photo book to my boss, who speaks perfect English. This one went off wonderfully, except for a hilarious faus paux on my part a few days later. I was reviewing my receipts of recent purchases when I came across one for a sizable amount from a store I didn't recognize. I was baffled. Where could I have spent all this money, and not even be able to remember it? I usually bring in unfamiliar documents to my boss for explanation, so I did the same with this. He took one look at the receipt, and very calmly said "This character means "Whisky." Ahh! That's your present! I literally snatched the receipt out of his hand. Somehow I doubt it's Japanese custom to let the gift recepient know exactly how much their gift cost and where/when you bought it.

Ah well, I already think it's funny.

Lastly I gave the principal a nice bottle of tequila from Mexico. I didn't give it to him directly, but he did come to my desk and thank me afterward. Now, for some reason, I'm terrified of the principal. Everyone claims he's friendly and laid-back, but he scares the shit out of me. I always feel extra awkward around him, and usually make my biggest blunders. When thanking him, I used the pre-approved thank-you words, and thought I did it right. He had a short conversation with the other English teachers which seemed to be about me, and he was smiling, so it seemed all good. Then when he left the other teacher told me "Principal is very concerned for your knowledge of formal Japanese." Huh? He made it seem like a trifle, but I was confused. I thought I had conducted myself with perfect dignity and respect, but you really have to go one level beyond when dealing with higher-ups. I probably should have gotten out of my chair and bowed, instead of remaining sitting down. Who knows? I hope he enjoys that dang tequila. Maybe he'll share some with me and we can bond.