Senor Jay's Mexican Culinary Academy, Japan Branch

I decided on a whim to introduce the English Club, greatest of all Nakatsu High School clubs, to the joys of cooking Mexican. Food, not people, that is. I had initially advertised my cooking idea as "American Cooking," but then I realized that one of the best things about American cooking is that it is such a hodge-podge of delicious traditions. Thank Gosh for the Revolutionary War, though, or we'd all be eating mushy peas with a fork. Being a Mexican food aficionado from San Diego, I knew my path was clear. I named a date and asked them if they thought they might enjoy that. They gave their affirmation, I think definitely expecting crispy tacos, probably from Taco Bell. But I had loftier goals in mind. While tacos are undeniably savory, and OK for the Mexican food neophyte, I thought for this introduction to Mexican cuisine, something more elaborate might be in order. I opted for a lovely combination of arroz con pollo (rice with chicken, for the Spanishly-challenged), hand-made tortillas (no translation necessary-I hope!), and for dessert, arroz con leche (sweet rice pudding). By a happy coincidence, the new nurse at the school lived in Ecuador for 2 years, so she speaks great Spanish. Through her, I was able to communicate to the Home Economics teacher that I would need to trash her kitchen on Monday. Surprisingly, she obliged. I think she was darn curious to see what I was going to make.

So I showed up at school with 2 heaping bags full of ingredients. Onions, tomatoes, pounds and pounds of chicken, cumin, cinnamon, a full 10kg sack of rice, milk, sweetened condensed milk, vanilla, flour, sugar, salt, baking powder, chicken buillion, and lard - yes, lard. I printed out the recipes, which I had carefully rewritten to be more easy to understand for the English learner. The kids showed up and I tried to get the nurse to pronounce the dishes' names in Spanish (she has a very pretty accent-Japanese accented Spanish), but they were very confused, as hearing the name of a mysterious dish in an even more mysterious language does very little to elucidate just what the hell it is. The basic gist was, where are the tacos?

I could see the doubt in their eyes as I barked orders to the different teams. They just couldn't yet picture how all these incongruous elements were going to equal anything remotely edible. The poor guys frying the chicken were continually shot with hot oil bouncing out of the pan, and at least one thing caught on fire, producing just a little bit of screaming. It was a sight to see! Thank gosh the home-ec teacher didn't come in until later.

At the end of the arroz con pollo preparation, we tossed everything into the rice cooker, and I added the finishing touches, haphazardly (to the untrained eye...ok, to the trained eye, too) tossing in unmeasured amounts of the remaining spices. The kids were dubious, man. They said, "It looks bad," as I closed the lid of the rice cooker, secure in my knowledge that they would soon be proven wrong.

After that, it was time for the tortilla prep. I selected 2 very lucky girls to be my tortilla crew. They were a lucky bunch indeed. I pointed to the lard and asked them to scoop out a few spoonfuls. The poor kids, they had no idea what it was, but they figured it out fast. After very unhappily mixing it up with the flour, etc, they produced a nice dough for the tortillas. After I managed to burn the first one, they took over and succeeded in cranking out about 15 pretty nice-looking tortillas all by themselves. Very nice.

The last thing was dessert. Here is where I blew their minds. I raced to the fridge to grab milk and sweetened condensed milk. I put the milk in a bowl, then they watched in true horror as I proceeded to dump their beloved Japanese rice into the milk bowl. They just couldn't believe what I had just done. It made no sense to them. It got only worse as I asked them to dump in quite a bit of the sweetened condensed milk. I think that's when they decided Americans were crazy and knew nothing about the ways of the world. Or at least about cooking rice.

To my great joy, when we popped open the rice cookers to reveal the arroz con pollo, my friends were quite impressed and surprised by the delicious aroma that had developed. I, quite frankly, was relieved that it had turned out edible after all. I spooned out two good helpings to everybody on their tortillas, and we dug in. Everybody liked it. I was so relieved! It was a great moment to sit around together eating what we had just made. Sadly, the rice pudding was a total bust, but that just meant more for me! I learned a valuable lesson: Don't F with rice in Japan. They're serious.

In the end, their homeroom teacher said that they had a really good time. I am always a bit nervous with this club, because they are so talented and enthusiastic that I worry that I won't make the time with the club worthwhile. It made me glad to hear that they enjoyed it. What should we make next?